
Epic Cleavage
Posted by admin on August 28th, 2010 | No Comments »
Filed under Images | Tags: cleavage, motovation poster
GOLF BALLS
Posted by admin on August 26th, 2010 | No Comments »
A man got on the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
Filed under Email Jokes | Tags: blond jokes, golf balls
Peter and the Elephant!
Posted by admin on August 23rd, 2010 | No Comments »
This is an Incredible story!
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University ..
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same f——g elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.
Filed under Email Jokes | Tags: Elephant
Quarterback
Posted by admin on August 20th, 2010 | No Comments »
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!” So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!” “I don’t want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says.”You are not my son!”
“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”
“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,
“I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland !!”
Filed under Email Jokes | Tags: football, Oakland, Quarterback
California financial crisis explained in a single picture
Posted by admin on August 12th, 2010 | 1 Comment »
This financial crisis is forcing California State and local agencies to make some tough decisions.
If things continue for much longer, there’s a real risk that they may have to lay off Jose.
Filed under Email Jokes, Images | Tags: california
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination
Posted by admin on August 4th, 2010 | No Comments »
These are genuine answers from 16 year-old’s.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Filed under Email Jokes | Tags: GED examination
Google, we know exactly what your looking for
Posted by admin on August 3rd, 2010 | No Comments »
Filed under Uncategorized
Is it hot outside?
Posted by admin on July 20th, 2010 | No Comments »
Filed under Images | Tags: Is it hot outside
Beer. Famous beer quotes.
Posted by admin on July 8th, 2010 | No Comments »
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
- – Babe Ruth
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
- – Lyndon B. Johnson
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
- – Paul Horning
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
- – H. L.. Mencken
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
- – George Bernard Shaw
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
- – Benjamin Franklin
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
- – Dave Barry
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
- – W. C. Fields
Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.
- – Professor Irwin Corey
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group -Salvation in a can!
- – Leo Durocher
One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the” Buffalo Theory” to his buddy Norm:
“Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
Filed under Email Jokes | Tags: Beer, Buffalo Theory, Famous beer quotes., norm
Interesting Information
Posted by admin on July 7th, 2010 | No Comments »
Interesting Information
- In the 1400’s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have, “the rule of thumb.”
- Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented and ruled, “Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden”…and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language (Snopesdisagrees at www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/golf.asp)
- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U.S. Treasury.
- Men can read smaller print than women can as a general rule and women can hear better.
- Coca-Cola was originally green.
- It is impossible to lick your elbow.
- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska.
- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness is 28 percent.
- The percentage of North America that is wilderness is 38 percent.
- The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of 11 is $16,400.
- The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour is 61,000.
- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
- The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Tom Sawyer.
- The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades – King David, Hearts – Charlemagne, Clubs – Alexander, the Great and Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
- Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
- Most boat owners name their boats Obsession.
- If you were to spell out numbers, you would have to go one thousand before finding the letter “A’.
- What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common? All were invented by women. (A reader disagrees, explaining that Gary Starkweather actually invented the laser printer at Xerox.)
- Honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil.
- Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? Father’s Day
- In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep
- It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
- In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts…So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them, mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.” It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s.
- Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
- At least 75 percent of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
Filed under Noteworthy | Tags: Interesting Information



